Doe Snot

I've been spending the last few days proof reading my second novel. Actually, that makes it sound as though I've been locked away in a box doing nothing but poring over endless pages of prose but the truth of it is that I've been fitting it around lots of other, much more exciting things - things like sleeping, emptying bins and examining my fingernails.

International Day of Happiness

It was with some surprise that I learned that today is the International Day of Happiness.

That's all very lovely, of course - what with me being a big fan of happiness and all - but I'm always compelled to wonder how you go about getting a place on the panel that decides these things. I think I might quite like that job.

Things Left Unsaid

It's a month now since the death of Sir Tom Finney. It was touching to see so many people turn out for his funeral - flags, flowers and football scarves in hand - and to hear them say such positive things about him. It was heartening because he was without any doubt an extremely decent fellow and such individuals deserve to be celebrated.

My Cat May be Trying to Seduce Me

Well, I say 'my' cat but it was actually my wife and daughter who decided that what the household most badly needed was a sadistic, wildlife-murdering parasite that would damage the furniture, soil the neighbours' gardens and slowly but inexorably fill the forgotten corners of every room with the partially chewed remains of small rodents. After a brief but frank exchange in which I made clear my strong opposition to the whole proposition of cat ownership, the two of them out-voted me, drove off to a cat rescue centre and brought home with them the most prodigiously stupid and incontinent animal they could find. That was about nine years ago now and he hasn't improved with age.